The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
