Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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