i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
