I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
