I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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