It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think I won the penis lottery.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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