I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
