She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
