I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
