So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
