Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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