Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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