yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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