And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
