I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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