I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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