the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
