Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
