I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
