i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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