my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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