tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize