My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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