he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Are my feet made of real feet?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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