i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
