1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
