I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
