If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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