Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
