Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
