oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
