I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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