So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
