apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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