The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
