it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
