Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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