I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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