If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
