my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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