I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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