Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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