So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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