It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
