i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
