Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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