how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
