I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
