My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
