remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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