That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
