I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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