I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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