The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
3 2 1 whiskey
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
