I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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