Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
