I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
