Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
