while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
