He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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