RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
