Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
