ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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