Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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