Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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