I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
