I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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