wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Come on in and take your pants off
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