Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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