you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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