My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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