We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
