I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
