My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
