Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
