I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
