somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
