Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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